PNoy's 7 Lost Words. Lol.

This article came from www.newsbreak.ph. It's all about President NoyNoy's 7 Lost Words. Happy Easter to y'all mah peeps! Lol. XD

PNoy’s 7 Lost Words.

PUBLISHED ON APR 23, 2011 

A priest may have recently baptized him a “bad Catholic” with a “conscience that is not well-formed,” but PNoy observed the Holy Week just the same. On Holy Wednesday, he gave his Lenten message, saying that in accordance with Jesus Christ’s teachings, his administration is sacrificing to bring about meaningful reforms. He reportedly went with his sisters for Visita Iglesia on Holy Thursday.

On Good Friday, he lamented his own seven lost words, words he can only utter in the company of his solitude, a rim of cigarettes and his PSP.

1. Father, mother, forgive me for I don’t know what I am doing.

Like my hair, my net satisfaction rating is falling.

But we have gained much ground, which is why it disheartens me sometimes that the good news fails to reach our people. It’s the fault of media if not Gloria. Kapamilya news chief Ging Reyes said it best in a recent interview, “Like Kris, the Palace thinks the station is evil, while the others…can’t help but be the usual fault finders.” Moments like this make me wish Krissy were a respectable journalist.

It’s time to scold Sec. Ricky Carandang and Sec. Sonny Coloma. I realized they are not as aggressive as UP students in screaming out what my administration is doing. At the Diliman Republic commencement exercises, I’ve met the UP Student Regent, who speaks louder than my Atenean deputy spokesperson Abigail Valte. The student leader was more effective in projecting what my achievements were: Nothing.

Father, mother, in hindsight, I realized that I should have tried running a student government before running for President.

2. I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.

This has been my pick-up line. It was also my campaign promise.

I’ve said it to Korina, Shalani, Liz Uy, the stockbroker and the newscaster. Shalani ended up with a trouble-maker. Korina was saved by my trouble-shooter.

But thanks God, my people are accustomed to suffering. That’s why more people actually flock to churches in the country on Good Friday than Easter Sunday, according to a historical survey conducted by my oldest critic, Bishop Cruz. For the first time, I agree with him. No wonder my people follow my “tuwid na daan” as though it were Stations of the Cross.

3. Woman, here is your RH Bill

This was the most applauded part of my speech in UP, haven of activists and atheists.

Even if Willie says I don’t have the right to talk about responsible parenthood because I don’t have a child, even if others suggest that I should be excommunicated, even if the Baguio priest asks me to leave the church premises, I have to decide, I need to follow my conscience and I have to do what is right.

4. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me at 40?

Prince William and Kate Middleton are only in their late 20s. The French fries lovers in that McDo commercial were toddlers.  I am 51. I am President. I have a Porsche. Why can’t I avail of the sacrament of matrimony? You don’t want me to end up like Marlene Aguilar. Do you?

Please tell your bishop to shut up. State affairs and my affairs are none of his business. I promote responsible parenthood. Let him practice responsible priesthood.

I have not contributed to population explosion. I have the moral ascendancy to stop it.

5. I am thirsty, I’m tigang.

Temperature rose to 39 degrees over the Holy Week. Fires are all over the metropolis. And I am loveless. God forbid, if I don’t find a date this summer, I shall declare a water crisis.

6. Mercy, it is finished!

Who would not be furious if the person tasked to defend the rights of ordinary citizens would rather protect plundered loot? We do not need to elaborate—you know who I mean. Our collective weary, angry sigh is a simple “OMG” – Oh, Mercy, Go!

I’m sorry Mercy, but you are not Mary Magdalene. Your dalliance with Joc-Joc, Garcia and Gloria was utterly despicable. Magtika ka. Repent and resign. Your impeachment trial in the Senate is near.

7. Binay, into your hands I entrust Marcos’s spirit.

Mr. Vice President, I entrusted you the souls of drug mules. Now I entrust you the dictator’s. Dahil sabi nga kahit ano pa ang desisyon ko sasabihin na may bias ako o di kaya nama’y wala akong balls.”

Will it be in recognition of his being a soldier during World War II? Should it be because he was former commander-in-chief? Should it be because he was a former president? I don’t know. I don’t have Imee’s photographic memory.

Though I have consulted Josh and Bimby. They don’t remember either. Kids nowadays have forgotten about Martial Law and Edsa 1. They’re busy with Twitter, Facebook, Youtube and DotA. IKR (I know right)?

Mr. Vice President, wherever you bury him, just make sure to spare Fatima “The Miracle Child” from Ferdinand Marcos’s cornea.

PS:To all the members of the Yellow Army, please make sure that you'll find your very own Easter Eggs. And let me remind you that PNoy's head resembles to an Easter Egg. Lol.