Pick up Lines! Lol.
Here are the examples of pick up lines so that you'll be able to get a date and woo the girls. Enjoy! Lol.
Funny, Cute, Flattering and Cheesy Pick-up Lines!
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.
Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.
Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.
You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen
There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.
Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.
Are you an interior decorator? When i saw you the room became beautiful.
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!
You look beautiful today, just like every other day.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.
If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
Do you have the time? [Tells you the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Shazaam!"?
Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!
I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
Hello are you married? [Yes] Well I didn't hear you say "happily".
You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn't ask you how you looked!
Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
How was heaven when you left it?
Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!
Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.
Is your name "swiffer"? 'Cause you just swept me off my feet.
Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
(As she is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? (What?) Me!
Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.
Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth!
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.
Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
[Point at her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
(Ask a person for the time) 9:15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.
Pinch me. [Why?] You're so fine I must be dreaming.
if I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath!
Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!
I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.
When God made you, he was showing off.
You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.
Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.
Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
Baby, you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
Let's make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle
I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.
Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.
If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?
How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm (insert name here).
Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.
Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?
When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.
Hey baby. You got a jersey? [A jersey?...Why?] Because I need your name and number.
Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'?
(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?
This time next year let’s be laughing together.
Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
I sneezed because God blessed me with you.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
Wow! Are those real?
Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
You are the reason men fall in love.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
You look like my third wife. [how many time have you been married?] Twice.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You should be someone's wife.
Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...
If god made any thing better than you he keep it for him self.
Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!
Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.
You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!
Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.
I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.
(Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!
You are a 9 - you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.
Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
You're so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces.
My buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?
I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".
Hey baby, you've got somthing on your butt: my eyes.
This isn't a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.
I don't know you, but I think I love you already.
You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart.
if we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)
Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.
If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.
Stare at girl . ("What're you staring at?")
You, Before I Wake Up From this Dream.
You're hotter than donut grease.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.
I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.
I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.
If you were a steak you would be well done.
It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.
Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!
Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.
On The Phone
She/He says: "Hold on"
You Say: "Sorry, I can't hold on... I've already fallen for you."
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
Crude, Suggestive Pick-up Lines! (18+)
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
Do you live on a chicken farm? [No] You sure know how to raise cocks.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK'
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.
Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
Do you cum here often or wait till you get home?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat.
[Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?"
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hi, wanna fuck? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
Does your ass have Allstate insurance? [No, why?] Well do you want it to be in good hands?
Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
My name's [your name]. Just so you know what to scream.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.
Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples?
Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
Nice fucking weather. Want to?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out?
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
What do you like for breakfast?
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
Let us let only latex stand between our love.
Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
(Look down at your crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast!
I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
I'm easy. Are you?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help....
Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra?
I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just fuck.
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you.
Hi. I'm gay, think you can convert me?
I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.
Life is short. Let's fuck and see if there is anything after that.
Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
(give the person a bottle of tequila) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth??
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
Computer Geek Pick-up Lines!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Nerd and Geek Yo Mama Jokes!
You had me at "Hello World."
You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
My 'up-time' is better than BSD.
Are you an angel, because your texture mapping is divine!
You've stolen the ASCII to my heart.
You got me stuck on Caps Lock, if you know what I mean.
How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
Your beauty rivals the graphics of Doom 3.
You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
Want to see my Red Hat?
If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
You put the SPARC in my workstation.
You make my software turn into hardware!
Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?
I'd switch to emacs for you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a chatroom like this?
No, that's not a Logitech MX-100 in my pants, but thanks for noticing.
Nice Set of Floppies!
I think you could be an integral part of my project life cycle.
If you have an empty slot, I have the card to fill it.
Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
I'd like to play on your laptop.
Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I’ll give you sudo access.
If you were an ISP I'd dial you all day long.
I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video.
I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen.
Your homepage or mine?
Hey Baby, Let me hack your kernel
No, that's not an iPod mini in my pocket. I'm just happy to see you.
Computer techs have skilled fingers if you know what I mean
Want to come see my HARD Disk? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
Need me to unzip your files?
How about we go home and you handle my exception?
Biology and Chemistry Pick-up Lines!
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
You're so hot, you denature my proteins.
Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?
You must be gibberelin, because I'm experiencing some stem elongation.
You make my anoxic sediments want to increase their redox potential.
Hey baby, will a little more alcohol catalyze this reaction?
Me and you would undergo a more energetic reaction then Potassium and water.
Im more attracted to you then F is attracted to an electron.
I will fondle your vesicles while you caress my golgi body.
I want to work on your leucine zipper with my zinc fingers.
If you were oxygen, I would be an alkali metal so i could get in you and explode!
We fit together like the sticky ends of recombinant DNA.
You are the photon to my photosystem: you excite my electron until I reach my reaction centre.
You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power.
If I were a neurotransmitter, I would be dopamine so I could activate your reward pathway.
Hey, wanna put your alpha helix in my beta barrel?
Hey baby, why don't you get your ligase working on my okazaki fragment and lengthen my strand.
Hey, are you an alpha carbon, because you look susceptible to backside attack!
Do you want to extract some protein from my column?
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me.
Everyone knows its not the size of the vector that matters, but the way the force is delivered.
How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
We can make a mess as I've hired some lysosomes to clean up after.
My hypothalamus must be secreting serotonin because baby, I want you!
I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.
You’re so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract.
I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
You’re like telophase, I admire your cleavage.
Hey baby, want to form a synapse with me and exchange neurotransmitters?
Hey baby, want to form a zygote?
It’s a good thing you've got evaporative cooling, cause I’m going to make you sweat
If I were a Shwann cell, I'd squeeze areound your axon and give you a fast action potential. (good old neuroscience)
Want to be my substrate/enzyme?
If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?
If you were a concentration gradient I'd go down on you.
If you were C6, and I were H12, all we would need is the air we breathe to be sweeter than sugar.
Whenever I am near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away
I want to stick to u like glue-cose.
You must be the one for me, since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
Can I be your enzyme? because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction.
You give me more jolt than a mitochondria!
Right now we’re just two RNA, but maybe we could transcribe together and become DNA.
I have a smooth endoplasmic reticulum but know that I like it rough, if you know what I mean.
I also prefer my ribosomes bound...tight. Spin me round with your basal body and make sure it's turgid.
Do you like aerobic respiration as much as I do?
Physics Pick-up Lines!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Nerd and Geek Yo Mama Jokes!
That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2
What do you say we use my lever to shift your center of mass?
Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
I might be a physics major, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
Your lab bench, or mine?
Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
Don't you hate it how the coyote always remains suspended in midair until he looks down? It's just SO misleading.
Hey baby. It's massive. You know what I'm talking about.
What's your resonance frequency?
Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass. Wanna see?
Wanna couple our equations tonight?
Can I have your significant digits?
I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?
Top quark or bottom quark?
You're more special than relativity.
My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino.
I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?
How do you feel about group experiments?
Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe.
Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
Those other guys said that your eyes shine like stars. But can they explain how they shine with equal brightness?
Let's exchange fermions!
Engineers don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Friction alone can't get the job done.
You and Me = Grand Unification
Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?
In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.
Two large masses that are close together are supposed to radiate gravitational waves. I think that you're a big part of that.
I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun - with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
I'm hung like a Foucault pendulum.
Science Fiction Geek Pick-up Lines!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Science Fiction Yo Mama Jokes!
You, me, here... this couldn't be any better if I programmed the holodeck myself!
Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'
I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!
Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light sabre?
Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!
I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby.
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
I've been told I have the cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.
"Urkuk lu Stalga." That's Klingon for "I love you baby."
Once you make love to a man with Vulcan ears on you never go back.
How 'bout I slip into something more comfortable... like these STAR TREK VOYAGER pajamas!
Nice buns, Princess! On your head, that is.
Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody.
Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning'.
Tell me of this thing you humans call (pause) love.
Forgive my Kirk-like boldness, but you wanna go back to my mom's place and watch 'Dr. Who'?
Earth woman, prepare to be probed!
Nice Asimov.
Dog Pick-up Lines!
I came here looking for a little tail.
Is it warm in here, or are you in heat?
I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
Whoa! Look at THOSE puppies!!
I must be a Dog Tick, because I'm stuck on you.
When I say 'bitch', I mean it as a compliment!
Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.
Baby, you are what I call a hot dog!
Come on, don't make me beg!
Hey there, beautiful... looking for an Alpha dog?
Hey Gorgeous, can I buy you a liver treat?
Did you win "best in show"?, because you sure are a winner to me.
Since chocolate is toxic to me, how 'bout a little sugar?
Pick-up Lines for Math Geeks and Nerds!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Math Yo Mama Jokes!
I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the 7 digits of your phone number?
I wish I was your second derivative so I could investigate your concavities.
You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
Hey baby, what's your sine?
I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me.
I don’t like my current girlfriend. Mind if I do a you-substitution?
I can figure out the square root of any number in less than 10 seconds. What? You don’t believe me? Well, then, let’s try it with your phone number.
Hey, baby want to Squeeze my Theorem while I poly your nomial?
Hey...nice asymptote.
i'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl.
I don't know if you're in my range, but I'd sure like to take you back to my domain.
I'll take you to your limit if you show me your end behavior.
Can i explore your mean value?
Being without you is like being a metric space in which exists a cauchy sequence that does not converge
My love for you is a monotonically increasing unbounded function
You are the solution to my homogeneous system of linear equations.
i'll take you to the limit as x approaches infinity.
Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
Let's take each other to the limit to see if we converge
Let me integrate our curves so that i can increase our volume
If i were a function you would be my asymptote - i always tend towards you.
Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.
I wish i was your problem set, because then i'd be really hard, and you'd be doing me on the desk.
My love is like an exponential curve. it's unbounded
My love for you is like a fractal - it goes on forever.
My love for you is like the derivative of a concave up function because it is always increasing. we're going to assume this concave up function resembles x^2 so that slopes is actually increasing.
I hope you know set theory because i want to intersect and union you
You've got more curves than a triple integral.
Honey, you're sweeter than pi.
If you were sin x and I was cos x, then together we'd make one.
My friends told me that I should ask you out because you can't differentiate. Do you need math help?
Wanna expand my polynomial?
Superman Pick-up Lines!
Do you have heat vision, too? Because you can melt my heart with just a look.
You must be made of Kryptonite because being around you makes my knees weak.
I can fly anywhere in the solar system, but only you can take me to heavan.
I think your clothes are made of Kryptonite, we’ve got to get rid of them immediately.
Hey, baby, wanna come back to my fortress of solitude?
I can see anything within miles of here, but there's nothing I'd rather look at than you.
You know, I once lifted a whole rocket into orbit. Wanna find out how high I can take you?
Excuse me, I'm from another planet. Can you teach me about human anatomy?
You know, I can hold my breath for 20 minutes...
You know, if I hold someone really close, they become invulnerable. Wanna help me find out if I can transfer any other powers?
They call me the Man of Steel. Well, at least, parts of me are anyways.
They say I can do just about anything, but I wish I had the power to look that good!
My aura can make anything invulnerable as long as I keep it really close.
As the last survivor of Krypton, I have a duty to make sure my race doesn't end with me.
Let's go back to your place and I'll show you where I keep my wallet.
Wanna go see the wonders of the world?
As it happens, the suit does come off.
Wanna see the real reason they call me the Man of Steel?
Ever wanted to see Metropolis from the air?
They say I’m faster than a speeding a bullet. Want to find out?
Did I hit you with my heat vision? Because you are on fire.
I could be anywhere on the planet 30 seconds from now... wanna come along for the ride?
I've flown right up to the surface of the sun, but that doesn't compare to what I felt when I first looked at you.
It's a good thing I've got freeze breath, because you look dangerously hot.
Medical Doctor Pick-up Lines!
My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia makes me think I'm falling for you.
(Hold out a stethoscope) Why don’t you listen to your heart and go out with me?
My adductor isn't the only thing that's longus.
I wish I was your coronary artery, so that I could be wrapped around your heart.
Trust me, this is how they did Mammograms back in the old days.
Is your name Flecainide? Because I think you just made my heart skip a beat.
(Look for any small skin imperfection) Has anyone ever looked at that? Why don’t we go back to my place so I can give you a full exam?
When you walked in the door your beauty hit me so hard that I have a priapism from all the trauma.
How about we ditch this joint and go study some anatomy?
Baby, you make me vasodilate!
No that's not an epi-pen in my pants, I'm just happy to see you.
Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?
That pulsation in my femoral sheath isn't coming from an artery.
I am an organ donor, need anything?
Come into my office and take off your pants.
Model United Nations (U.N.) Pick-up Lines!
For a third-world country, you're pretty well-developed.
I Motion to invade Djibouti with the aid of Greece
Belize let me hold you.
I'm Hungary for Djibouti.
Motion for a one-on-one unmoderated caucus.
I Ecuador you.
I want to visit your Netherlands.
You can lift my sanctions any day!
If I were a gavel, I would bang you all night.
I can cam your bodia.
I motion to table the Chair.
You're my point of personal inquiry.
I'm your point of personal privilege.
Can I put missiles in your country?
Is that a placard in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Can I moderate your caucus?
Are you a topic? Because I'd love to table you.
How long is your conference?
I hope that gavel's not the only thing you're banging.
It's not about how big your placard is, it's about how long you can keep it up.
If you're as long as the speaker's list, meet me in the bathroom.
I'll czech your republic.
It's not about how big your gavel is, it's about how hard you bang it.
My lips are weapons of mass destruction. Would you care to dismantle them?
I'd like to motion you to the floor.
I motion to have a ten-minute unmoderated caucus... in your pants.
Hey, wanna merge?
It's not the length of the caucus that counts... it's what you do with it.
I motion to enlongate the caucus.
Medieval, Middle Ages Pick-up Lines!
Fair Maiden, you can scale my battlements any day!
What's a princess like you doing in a dungeon like this?
I'd rather be beheaded than be denied a date with you.
Yes, I am indeed a wizard. Watch me make your clothes disappear!
When I was put on the rack in the inquisition, my limbs weren't the only things that got stretched.
What a fine set of chalices you have.
It seems as if my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.
You wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could sheath his sword, would you?
Is that a knife in your armor? Or are you just happy to see me?
If I were a horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle.
Would you care to see my longsword in action?
You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?
Your chastity belt would look great on the floor of my sleeping chamber.
I most certainly am King in bed! Shall I prove it to you?
It's not the size of the staff that matters, but the magic within.
I am beset by this dragon in my loins, and only you can quench its fire!
Don't believe the rumours you've heard... the Bubonic plague didn't affect my important organs.
Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.
They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.
What a fine gown you're wearing, my lady. Perchance may I talk you out of it?
I may not be a priest, but I can take you to the heavens, princess.
Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land.
St. Patrick's Day Pick-up Lines!
I ain't got four leaves, baby, but if you pluck me, I'll give you luck!
Why don't you come catch a leprechaun with me. Maybe together we'll get Lucky!
Tip o' the Trojan to ye!
So you actually kissed the Blarney Stone? Tongue or no tongue?
If you don't sleep with me, the leprechauns have already won!
Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!
Well, lass, we're the only ones still standing. How about a go?
You look magically delicious, and I just happen to be a cereal lovemaker.
Well, ye caught me, lass! Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves sex.
How’d you like to help put the Irish Spring back into me shillelagh?
Pirate Pick-up Lines!
I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest!
Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber!
Me skull and crossbones aren't the only things I plan on raisin' tonight!
Nice poop deck on ya, lady. Care for a swabbin'?
Let me stick me cannon in your porthole.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrr you free this Saturday?
Is that an 'X' on the seat of your pants? 'Cause it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!
Yo, ho ho! How 'bouts a bottle of rum?
Do ya mind if the parrot watches?
Strike yer panties and prepare to be boarded, lassie!
(approach your target and place your arm on their nearest shoulder)
"If you were a pirate, would you place your parrot on THIS shoulder or...
(put your arm around them and touch the other shoulder)
THIS shoulder?"
Funny, Cute, Flattering and Cheesy Pick-up Lines!
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.
Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.
Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.
You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen
There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.
Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.
Are you an interior decorator? When i saw you the room became beautiful.
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!
You look beautiful today, just like every other day.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.
If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
Do you have the time? [Tells you the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Shazaam!"?
Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!
I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
Hello are you married? [Yes] Well I didn't hear you say "happily".
You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn't ask you how you looked!
Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
How was heaven when you left it?
Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!
Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.
Is your name "swiffer"? 'Cause you just swept me off my feet.
Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
(As she is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? (What?) Me!
Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.
Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth!
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.
Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
[Point at her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!"
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
(Ask a person for the time) 9:15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.
Pinch me. [Why?] You're so fine I must be dreaming.
if I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath!
Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!
I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.
When God made you, he was showing off.
You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.
Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.
Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
Baby, you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
Let's make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle
I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.
Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.
If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?
How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm (insert name here).
Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.
Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?
When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.
Hey baby. You got a jersey? [A jersey?...Why?] Because I need your name and number.
Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'?
(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?
This time next year let’s be laughing together.
Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
I sneezed because God blessed me with you.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
Wow! Are those real?
Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
You are the reason men fall in love.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
You look like my third wife. [how many time have you been married?] Twice.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You should be someone's wife.
Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...
If god made any thing better than you he keep it for him self.
Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!
Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.
You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!
Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.
I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.
(Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!
You are a 9 - you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.
Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
You're so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces.
My buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?
I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".
Hey baby, you've got somthing on your butt: my eyes.
This isn't a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.
I don't know you, but I think I love you already.
You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart.
if we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)
Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.
If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.
Stare at girl . ("What're you staring at?")
You, Before I Wake Up From this Dream.
You're hotter than donut grease.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.
I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.
I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.
If you were a steak you would be well done.
It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.
Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!
Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.
On The Phone
She/He says: "Hold on"
You Say: "Sorry, I can't hold on... I've already fallen for you."
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
Crude, Suggestive Pick-up Lines! (18+)
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
Do you live on a chicken farm? [No] You sure know how to raise cocks.
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out] Would you like to?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK'
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore....my face should be among them.
Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
Do you cum here often or wait till you get home?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my meat.
[Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?"
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hi, wanna fuck? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
Does your ass have Allstate insurance? [No, why?] Well do you want it to be in good hands?
Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
My name's [your name]. Just so you know what to scream.
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? [No] Good, because mine is 8 inches.
Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples?
Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button.
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
Are you gay? [No] Wow, me neither, let's have sex.
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? [No] Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.
Nice fucking weather. Want to?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
We're out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor's closet and make out?
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
What do you like for breakfast?
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
Let us let only latex stand between our love.
Do you wanna see why my nickname is 'tri-pod'?
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
(Look down at your crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
[What are you doing?] I'm taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
How about you be my story and I'll be your climax!
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an hour fast!
I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
I'm easy. Are you?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help....
Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done.
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together?
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's in your bra?
I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just fuck.
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you.
Hi. I'm gay, think you can convert me?
I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants.
Life is short. Let's fuck and see if there is anything after that.
Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
(give the person a bottle of tequila) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth??
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
Computer Geek Pick-up Lines!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Nerd and Geek Yo Mama Jokes!
You had me at "Hello World."
You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
My 'up-time' is better than BSD.
Are you an angel, because your texture mapping is divine!
You've stolen the ASCII to my heart.
You got me stuck on Caps Lock, if you know what I mean.
How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
Your beauty rivals the graphics of Doom 3.
You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.
Want to see my Red Hat?
If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
You put the SPARC in my workstation.
You make my software turn into hardware!
Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?
I'd switch to emacs for you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a chatroom like this?
No, that's not a Logitech MX-100 in my pants, but thanks for noticing.
Nice Set of Floppies!
I think you could be an integral part of my project life cycle.
If you have an empty slot, I have the card to fill it.
Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
I'd like to play on your laptop.
Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I’ll give you sudo access.
If you were an ISP I'd dial you all day long.
I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video.
I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen.
Your homepage or mine?
Hey Baby, Let me hack your kernel
No, that's not an iPod mini in my pocket. I'm just happy to see you.
Computer techs have skilled fingers if you know what I mean
Want to come see my HARD Disk? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
Need me to unzip your files?
How about we go home and you handle my exception?
Biology and Chemistry Pick-up Lines!
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
You're so hot, you denature my proteins.
Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?
You must be gibberelin, because I'm experiencing some stem elongation.
You make my anoxic sediments want to increase their redox potential.
Hey baby, will a little more alcohol catalyze this reaction?
Me and you would undergo a more energetic reaction then Potassium and water.
Im more attracted to you then F is attracted to an electron.
I will fondle your vesicles while you caress my golgi body.
I want to work on your leucine zipper with my zinc fingers.
If you were oxygen, I would be an alkali metal so i could get in you and explode!
We fit together like the sticky ends of recombinant DNA.
You are the photon to my photosystem: you excite my electron until I reach my reaction centre.
You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power.
If I were a neurotransmitter, I would be dopamine so I could activate your reward pathway.
Hey, wanna put your alpha helix in my beta barrel?
Hey baby, why don't you get your ligase working on my okazaki fragment and lengthen my strand.
Hey, are you an alpha carbon, because you look susceptible to backside attack!
Do you want to extract some protein from my column?
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me.
Everyone knows its not the size of the vector that matters, but the way the force is delivered.
How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
We can make a mess as I've hired some lysosomes to clean up after.
My hypothalamus must be secreting serotonin because baby, I want you!
I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.
You’re so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract.
I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
You’re like telophase, I admire your cleavage.
Hey baby, want to form a synapse with me and exchange neurotransmitters?
Hey baby, want to form a zygote?
It’s a good thing you've got evaporative cooling, cause I’m going to make you sweat
If I were a Shwann cell, I'd squeeze areound your axon and give you a fast action potential. (good old neuroscience)
Want to be my substrate/enzyme?
If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?
If you were a concentration gradient I'd go down on you.
If you were C6, and I were H12, all we would need is the air we breathe to be sweeter than sugar.
Whenever I am near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away
I want to stick to u like glue-cose.
You must be the one for me, since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
Can I be your enzyme? because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction.
You give me more jolt than a mitochondria!
Right now we’re just two RNA, but maybe we could transcribe together and become DNA.
I have a smooth endoplasmic reticulum but know that I like it rough, if you know what I mean.
I also prefer my ribosomes bound...tight. Spin me round with your basal body and make sure it's turgid.
Do you like aerobic respiration as much as I do?
Physics Pick-up Lines!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Nerd and Geek Yo Mama Jokes!
That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2
What do you say we use my lever to shift your center of mass?
Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
I might be a physics major, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
Your lab bench, or mine?
Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
Don't you hate it how the coyote always remains suspended in midair until he looks down? It's just SO misleading.
Hey baby. It's massive. You know what I'm talking about.
What's your resonance frequency?
Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass. Wanna see?
Wanna couple our equations tonight?
Can I have your significant digits?
I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?
Top quark or bottom quark?
You're more special than relativity.
My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino.
I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?
How do you feel about group experiments?
Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe.
Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
Those other guys said that your eyes shine like stars. But can they explain how they shine with equal brightness?
Let's exchange fermions!
Engineers don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Friction alone can't get the job done.
You and Me = Grand Unification
Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?
In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.
Two large masses that are close together are supposed to radiate gravitational waves. I think that you're a big part of that.
I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun - with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
I'm hung like a Foucault pendulum.
Science Fiction Geek Pick-up Lines!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Science Fiction Yo Mama Jokes!
You, me, here... this couldn't be any better if I programmed the holodeck myself!
Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'
I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!
Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light sabre?
Honey, you've been looking for love in Alderaan places!
I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby.
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
I've been told I have the cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.
"Urkuk lu Stalga." That's Klingon for "I love you baby."
Once you make love to a man with Vulcan ears on you never go back.
How 'bout I slip into something more comfortable... like these STAR TREK VOYAGER pajamas!
Nice buns, Princess! On your head, that is.
Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody.
Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning'.
Tell me of this thing you humans call (pause) love.
Forgive my Kirk-like boldness, but you wanna go back to my mom's place and watch 'Dr. Who'?
Earth woman, prepare to be probed!
Nice Asimov.
Dog Pick-up Lines!
I came here looking for a little tail.
Is it warm in here, or are you in heat?
I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
Whoa! Look at THOSE puppies!!
I must be a Dog Tick, because I'm stuck on you.
When I say 'bitch', I mean it as a compliment!
Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.
Baby, you are what I call a hot dog!
Come on, don't make me beg!
Hey there, beautiful... looking for an Alpha dog?
Hey Gorgeous, can I buy you a liver treat?
Did you win "best in show"?, because you sure are a winner to me.
Since chocolate is toxic to me, how 'bout a little sugar?
Pick-up Lines for Math Geeks and Nerds!
If you enjoyed this page, you may also enjoy Math Yo Mama Jokes!
I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the 7 digits of your phone number?
I wish I was your second derivative so I could investigate your concavities.
You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
Hey baby, what's your sine?
I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me.
I don’t like my current girlfriend. Mind if I do a you-substitution?
I can figure out the square root of any number in less than 10 seconds. What? You don’t believe me? Well, then, let’s try it with your phone number.
Hey, baby want to Squeeze my Theorem while I poly your nomial?
Hey...nice asymptote.
i'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl.
I don't know if you're in my range, but I'd sure like to take you back to my domain.
I'll take you to your limit if you show me your end behavior.
Can i explore your mean value?
Being without you is like being a metric space in which exists a cauchy sequence that does not converge
My love for you is a monotonically increasing unbounded function
You are the solution to my homogeneous system of linear equations.
i'll take you to the limit as x approaches infinity.
Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
Let's take each other to the limit to see if we converge
Let me integrate our curves so that i can increase our volume
If i were a function you would be my asymptote - i always tend towards you.
Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.
I wish i was your problem set, because then i'd be really hard, and you'd be doing me on the desk.
My love is like an exponential curve. it's unbounded
My love for you is like a fractal - it goes on forever.
My love for you is like the derivative of a concave up function because it is always increasing. we're going to assume this concave up function resembles x^2 so that slopes is actually increasing.
I hope you know set theory because i want to intersect and union you
You've got more curves than a triple integral.
Honey, you're sweeter than pi.
If you were sin x and I was cos x, then together we'd make one.
My friends told me that I should ask you out because you can't differentiate. Do you need math help?
Wanna expand my polynomial?
Superman Pick-up Lines!
Do you have heat vision, too? Because you can melt my heart with just a look.
You must be made of Kryptonite because being around you makes my knees weak.
I can fly anywhere in the solar system, but only you can take me to heavan.
I think your clothes are made of Kryptonite, we’ve got to get rid of them immediately.
Hey, baby, wanna come back to my fortress of solitude?
I can see anything within miles of here, but there's nothing I'd rather look at than you.
You know, I once lifted a whole rocket into orbit. Wanna find out how high I can take you?
Excuse me, I'm from another planet. Can you teach me about human anatomy?
You know, I can hold my breath for 20 minutes...
You know, if I hold someone really close, they become invulnerable. Wanna help me find out if I can transfer any other powers?
They call me the Man of Steel. Well, at least, parts of me are anyways.
They say I can do just about anything, but I wish I had the power to look that good!
My aura can make anything invulnerable as long as I keep it really close.
As the last survivor of Krypton, I have a duty to make sure my race doesn't end with me.
Let's go back to your place and I'll show you where I keep my wallet.
Wanna go see the wonders of the world?
As it happens, the suit does come off.
Wanna see the real reason they call me the Man of Steel?
Ever wanted to see Metropolis from the air?
They say I’m faster than a speeding a bullet. Want to find out?
Did I hit you with my heat vision? Because you are on fire.
I could be anywhere on the planet 30 seconds from now... wanna come along for the ride?
I've flown right up to the surface of the sun, but that doesn't compare to what I felt when I first looked at you.
It's a good thing I've got freeze breath, because you look dangerously hot.
Medical Doctor Pick-up Lines!
My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia makes me think I'm falling for you.
(Hold out a stethoscope) Why don’t you listen to your heart and go out with me?
My adductor isn't the only thing that's longus.
I wish I was your coronary artery, so that I could be wrapped around your heart.
Trust me, this is how they did Mammograms back in the old days.
Is your name Flecainide? Because I think you just made my heart skip a beat.
(Look for any small skin imperfection) Has anyone ever looked at that? Why don’t we go back to my place so I can give you a full exam?
When you walked in the door your beauty hit me so hard that I have a priapism from all the trauma.
How about we ditch this joint and go study some anatomy?
Baby, you make me vasodilate!
No that's not an epi-pen in my pants, I'm just happy to see you.
Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?
That pulsation in my femoral sheath isn't coming from an artery.
I am an organ donor, need anything?
Come into my office and take off your pants.
Model United Nations (U.N.) Pick-up Lines!
For a third-world country, you're pretty well-developed.
I Motion to invade Djibouti with the aid of Greece
Belize let me hold you.
I'm Hungary for Djibouti.
Motion for a one-on-one unmoderated caucus.
I Ecuador you.
I want to visit your Netherlands.
You can lift my sanctions any day!
If I were a gavel, I would bang you all night.
I can cam your bodia.
I motion to table the Chair.
You're my point of personal inquiry.
I'm your point of personal privilege.
Can I put missiles in your country?
Is that a placard in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Can I moderate your caucus?
Are you a topic? Because I'd love to table you.
How long is your conference?
I hope that gavel's not the only thing you're banging.
It's not about how big your placard is, it's about how long you can keep it up.
If you're as long as the speaker's list, meet me in the bathroom.
I'll czech your republic.
It's not about how big your gavel is, it's about how hard you bang it.
My lips are weapons of mass destruction. Would you care to dismantle them?
I'd like to motion you to the floor.
I motion to have a ten-minute unmoderated caucus... in your pants.
Hey, wanna merge?
It's not the length of the caucus that counts... it's what you do with it.
I motion to enlongate the caucus.
Medieval, Middle Ages Pick-up Lines!
Fair Maiden, you can scale my battlements any day!
What's a princess like you doing in a dungeon like this?
I'd rather be beheaded than be denied a date with you.
Yes, I am indeed a wizard. Watch me make your clothes disappear!
When I was put on the rack in the inquisition, my limbs weren't the only things that got stretched.
What a fine set of chalices you have.
It seems as if my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.
You wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could sheath his sword, would you?
Is that a knife in your armor? Or are you just happy to see me?
If I were a horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle.
Would you care to see my longsword in action?
You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?
Your chastity belt would look great on the floor of my sleeping chamber.
I most certainly am King in bed! Shall I prove it to you?
It's not the size of the staff that matters, but the magic within.
I am beset by this dragon in my loins, and only you can quench its fire!
Don't believe the rumours you've heard... the Bubonic plague didn't affect my important organs.
Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.
They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.
What a fine gown you're wearing, my lady. Perchance may I talk you out of it?
I may not be a priest, but I can take you to the heavens, princess.
Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land.
St. Patrick's Day Pick-up Lines!
I ain't got four leaves, baby, but if you pluck me, I'll give you luck!
Why don't you come catch a leprechaun with me. Maybe together we'll get Lucky!
Tip o' the Trojan to ye!
So you actually kissed the Blarney Stone? Tongue or no tongue?
If you don't sleep with me, the leprechauns have already won!
Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!
Well, lass, we're the only ones still standing. How about a go?
You look magically delicious, and I just happen to be a cereal lovemaker.
Well, ye caught me, lass! Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves sex.
How’d you like to help put the Irish Spring back into me shillelagh?
Pirate Pick-up Lines!
I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest!
Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber!
Me skull and crossbones aren't the only things I plan on raisin' tonight!
Nice poop deck on ya, lady. Care for a swabbin'?
Let me stick me cannon in your porthole.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrr you free this Saturday?
Is that an 'X' on the seat of your pants? 'Cause it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!
Yo, ho ho! How 'bouts a bottle of rum?
Do ya mind if the parrot watches?
Strike yer panties and prepare to be boarded, lassie!
(approach your target and place your arm on their nearest shoulder)
"If you were a pirate, would you place your parrot on THIS shoulder or...
(put your arm around them and touch the other shoulder)
THIS shoulder?"
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